Taste

I've always wondered what your goodbyes would taste like.

Your face so close to mine - where I can't see your imperfections but I could taste them.

They're made that way

He did promise me that. He said "Is that all you want?" I said "Yes." He said "I promise"

Does he still think about me? I'll settle for a glimpse, a rush, a flush even a feeling. I told him he'll think of me and try so hard to even remember what color my eyes were. I'll be just some girl and he'll speak of me in terms of sexual conquests and condom preferences.

Promises are made to be broken anyway.

Give and Take

Your love's measured in years and what you're willing to give.

My heart counts the bruises I let you inflict on it. My love's measured in pain and what I'm willing to take.

Yet, we go on.

As time goes, we come to realize that you usually hurt me less and I love you more.

Stay

"Just a little while longer, please?" She was begging. She never begs. Must be that desperate. She feels like an alcoholic, begging for one last drop of bourbon. She looks like it too.

"Why do you want to stay?" He asks, as if he didn't know the answer

"Because it's better here than out there. Because illusions are more comforting than reality. Because no matter how badly I fuck up in here, it can't be worse than when I do something right out there."

He looks at here with a cocked brow. She hangs her head "Because you love me here."

Fear

Everything we are, all that we have become, could be destroyed at any moment, and we would exist only in its shards. Broken we have both been before; cracked, flawed we would remain, but I know the map of these fissures. I understand the creased and splintered nature of this terrain and for a brief instant I want to stay where I am, to savor the comfort of the known. It isn't enough, but it is something.

I want to hold you in my arms and pull you firmly to me, to show you, prove to you this path was meant to be. I want to give you not a present, but a future, as inevitable as every choice from our past.

Words are useless as reality presses against me, drawing me in, perhaps for what is only the second time in my life. Somehow, what I've imagined, what in my brain seems the right way, does not fit this space in time. Every choice leads us to where we're supposed to go and I make mine, believing even this small, insignificant choice is part of the path our feet find together.

Closure

A jaded yet smart fellow recently posed a question: Why the need for closure?

I used to think about it as well. It was something I thought I needed and I obsessed about it needlessly. I wanted it and craved for it. I thought the world owed me that, at least.

I made my own closure. I decided that if the universe wasn't giving me my closure, I'll make my own. After all, I have prided myself with the fact that I have never depended on anyone before. I am arrogant like that.

In my head, there were no dramatic upswell of emotions and/or music. In my head, you showed no remorse. In my head, you never even acknowledged me or the feelings I went through, like a pendulum, from one extreme to another. So, in my head, I slit your throat in front of a mirror, licked the imaginary tears on your cheeks and kissed you one last time, stealing your last breath. In my head, that last kiss - your last breath - was your soul that I took to replace my broken one. An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth and a soul for a soul.

It's been over 18 months since I did that.

Let me tell you, life couldn't have been better.

Clarity

Life is funny, the way it pivots on invisible hinges. We take note of the obvious moments: marriages, births, deaths, but we seem to almost ignore the moments that mark us forever, that change the path we travel, that alter our very personalities. It is only later that we turn around, we look back with the perfect clarity that hindsight allows, and we say to ourselves, "Oh, so that's when it happened."

Plan C

"What you missed is a wonderful opportunity that you will never again get from me or anyone else. You treat me like a fragile glass ikon and then almost immediately, brush me off like yesterday's table crumbs. For once in your miserable inexperienced life, you can be honest enough to admit that what you did was pathetic and amateurish. I'm through with you and I'm through being in your control."

She then stood up and left him standing there like an idiot who didn't know what had happened.

I like that woman. I should get tips from her.

Unheard Music.

"Don't you hear it," she asked and I shook my head no. She then started to dance and suddenly there was music everywhere. It went on for a very long time and when I finally found words, all I could say was thank you.