She knocked
a little bit harder
and with a sense
of urgency
on his hotel room door.
He knew she would come
if not hysterical,
nervous or
just like right now
intoxicated.
She accuses him
of things they
already know
but never talk
about
The elephant
in the fucking room
finally gets
recognized.
Tonight,
she just wants to be loved
and he
just wants to finally
love her.
I've seen better days
days when I've stayed
in just one emotion
and wanted just one need
These days
I swing from a rope
that has one end tied
to the beam of my
bedroom ceiling
and the other
tightly wrapped
around my neck.
It's going to be
another cold
from a virus that
has mutated.
Another burnt
steak from another
restaurant
that seems to be
more pathetic
than the last.
I'm in between days
and in between hard things.
Fiera
she's been named that
it means fire, in Spanish
I think.
She lost her virginity
at an age
where we were
all involved with dolls
and toys
not penises.
Now, Fiera only makes love
has sex with
fucks only
young men
young enough
to be called boys
She says
they are sensitive enough
to know
what she wants.
She wants men to cry
cry when they make love
have sex with
fucks her.
Fiera knows
only boys cry
men never
or will never
openly do so.
***
It was the mangoes
of her breasts
that lured him in.
Tangy and sweet,
that's what he thought it would be
so delectable.
The cinnamon scent
her skin gave off
was ambrosia.
No man could resist
and no man would
want to - resist
that is.
Her eyes were chocolate
deep and dark.
You can never tell what she's
thinking of.
Curtains cover
the windows to her soul.
Lips of red wine,
a mouth like a rose,
legs that felt like
soft, silk souffles
All they wanted to do
was to
eat her up.
"Everything's conditional. You just can't always anticipate the conditions."
-- Son of Coma Guy, House, MD(Season 3)
Mister Linderman asked Nathan Petrelli if he wanted a life of happiness or a life of meaning. Nathan wanted both.
You can't have both.
To live a life of happiness you must live in the present - in the here and now. No obsessions and no thinking about either the past or the future.
A life of meaning requires you to think all the time, to contemplate on previous actions and transgressions. To regret and to plot. To know pain and sorrow.
What do you want?
I want to write love on your skin.
I want to cover your body
with words the way
clothes do.
I want to write
poetries on your belly,
trace the letter Y
in script
around your belly button.
I want to stain your legs
with indigo ink,
forming words that profess
my feelings.
I want your body to carry
the story of how we met-
the awkward silences,
the lovestruck stares,
the laughter
and the resignation
in realizing
we're stuck with each other
and it isn't all that bad.
I want to look at your fingers,
toes and knees
and know
just how much I love you.
Minsan di ko na alam kung kaya ko pa eh. Dapat kayanin ko, wala akong choice.
I'm tired, to tell you the truth. I find myself bursting into tears for the most mundane reason. Parang ang hirap hirap matawa ngayon. You try to see the positive in something pero parang wala eh. Meaningless yung positive kasi alam mong justification lang yun sa shitty situation that you're in.
One day at a time daw dapat. Puede bang mag half day dun? O kaya VL or SL.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you think you can hear someone else's thoughts? I think I'm having one now. I can hear LJ's thoughts.
Being gay nowadays is such a bore, especially in the Philippines. Even in early history, there was no indifference - it was never talked about openly, but there was no indifference. Of course, you'll never find beauty salons (it's never a parlor, it's always a salon) peppering the streets of old Manila, but you know there were those na "verde ang dugo", especially in the seminaries and churches.
I bet, that Padre Damaso fantasized about the big JC. Kunyari pang minolestya si Maria Clara. Sa totoo lang, I think he made Maria Clara insane so he can have Ibarra all to himself. That bitch is brilliant!
Contrary to popular belief, not all gays fantasize about a straight man coming into their lives (and I use the word 'coming' loosely. hihihi) to rescue them. Some of us want to be with other gay men. After all, hindi ba ito din ang drama ng mga tivoli? A man knows how to please another man - same thing with a lezzie.
*Sigh* Alas, I am not one of those liberated faggies. I think I want a straight man in my life.
JR in particular.
***
What the F***??!!
I did not just hear that!!
***
Waiter runs off to the washroom to re-enact the shower scene from the movie "The Crying Game".
The couple at the next table was officially breaking up. He leaned away from the table, tipped his chair on its back legs and balanced carefully. His eyes glanced over the girl that he no longer cared for that way, over her shoulder, past her body entirely and rested on the ass of the waitress behind her. "Are you even listening to me?" the soon to be ex-girlfriend asked him emphatically. "No," he said. "I don't really have to listen to you anymore." I love this coffee place.. its like watching TV.
Two of the regulars come in. JR and Fonzy.
Great. It's either bitching or hot air coming out from their mouths.
Like every other great idiot, I listen in.
Fonzy: Bakit ba tayo dito tatambay? Kung yosi at kape kape din lang, eh di sana sa Starbucks na lang tayo.
JR: Sawa na ako sa starbucks. Besides, I already have my planner.
Two more members of their group come in. LJ and Mr. Suave.
LJ: Well, I'm on my third planner na.
Mr. Suave: Bakit kasi mahilig kayo sa starbucks. Di niyo ba alam na ang Starbucks ay nagpapalago ng mga layunin ng mga kapitalistang Americano? Paano na lang ang mga Pilipinong magsasaka ng kape?
LJ: Naku Mr. Suave, ABS bitter herbs ka lang kasi di mo pa makuha kuha ang planner mo kasi di mo keri ang starbucks. Purita Magbanua ka kasi.
Mr. Suave: Eh sabihin ko kaya sa tatay mo na bakla ka, ha LJ?
Oi-vey.
